if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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