So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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