Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
