1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
