I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Life is so much better after having sex.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
