I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
