So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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