I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
