Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
