I must be too annoying 4 u.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
