apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
