I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My bed smells like the plague
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
