He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
