Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
