just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
