she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
