im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no you cant smoke seaweed
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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