You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
