they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
