i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My breasts were aching with rage.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
