Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
