never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
