I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
