We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
