I faked an abortion last night.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
