yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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