You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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