Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
