Where is the hickey?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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