i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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