Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
