I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
