I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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