I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
