You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
