the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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