I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So vagazzling was a success
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
