I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
