I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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