Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just blew my weed a kiss
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
