ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
