What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
