OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
