I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
