grandma shit on top of the toilet
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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