hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
