Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
