i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
