The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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