btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
